Exactly 15 days ago with the bed weather in the Metro, I was supposed to be sleeping til late in the afternoon, curled up in all my naked glory. I should have been dreaming erotic dreams, should have been reaching out for my dildo in my half conscious state... should have been moaning in ecstacy.
But instead, there I was lying with my skirt sans my undies, legs propped against the bed, sweaty hands tightly grasping the bed cover. I knew this was a bad idea. I should have listened to my instincts instead of my friend.
"Open it wider. Almost there. Wider, please."
Fine. With all the courage I can muster, I opened my legs wider that I felt one could see the insides of my vajayjay. A funny thought lingered. I could imagine graffiti written all over the walls of my precious.
Licked by James licked, sucked and fucked by Mark penetrated by peter rabbit Josh was here
Jay was here first!
I felt the urge to cover my precious and ran away. I knew this would happened. I felt a finger making its way inside me and I can almost see myself turning red.
"Ayoko na po..." I cried in despair.
"Shhh... tapos na. Go, dress up. We have a lot to talk about."
I hope you're not thinking what I think you are thinking : )
After years of switching to being active and inactive, my best friend finally won and convinced me to a visit to the OB for a Pap Smear test.
ob·stet·rics

/əbˈstɛ
trɪks/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh
b-ste-triks] n. (used with a singular verb
) the branch of medical science concerned with childbirth and caring for and treating women in or in connection with childbirth.
Abbreviation: OB, ob
Pap smear

(pāp)
Pronunciation Key n. A test for cancer, especially of the female genital tract, in which a smear of exfoliated cells is specially stained and examined under a microscope for pathological changes. Also called
Pap test.
We were supposed to go last year but I've been battling with apprehensions. I was scared of what I will find out. I am a scaredy cat. What if I lack an ovary? What if my uterus is badly damaged by the endless pounding of cocks and my rabbit? What if I am pregnant? What if I will never be pregnant? I even tried to back out during the last minutes.
"Girl, I dont wanna go. Smhan n lng kta l8r!"
"Ano ka ba? Sino bang ngsabing tutusukin yang p**p** m? Sinabi na ngang hindi eh!!!"
That lying bitch. I couldn't be more right. And besides, I can't imagine myself describing my passionate sex life in a professional way. I am an artist for heaven's sake. I tell my stories in full details, unless I want to make bitin. Plus, I have always been scared of doctors. I detest the smell of hospital. And I never thought of lying in a hospital bed. Nor lying to my doctor.
Dra: So, what brought you here?
Me: Uhmm... sinama lang po ako ng kaibigan ko.
Dra: Eh bakit nga? What's your reason?
Me: Kasi po I never had a check up down there.
Too much for my eloquence. I could't find the right thing to say. I felt like the doctor wanted to hit me with the wooden fertility idol on her desk.
Dra: Why now? Was there something unusual? A pain in your vagina? Suspected illness? What?
Me: (Out of fear) My dysmenorrhea po ako and I have an irregular period!
Dra: Ayun!
She then went on with a series of questions about my menstrual cycle which is the bad side of having a vagina instead of a penis that I know will not interest you guys in the least.
Dra: Are you married?
Me: No.
Dra: Bf?
Me: None.
Dra: But you're not a virgin? (pessimist si dra, tingin ko)
Me: I'm not.
Dra: What age did you first have sex?
Me: 18
Dra: How many partners?
Me: 2
She then went on like my Grandma preaching me about the dangers of premarital sex (It's a threat to your body and to your soul). And said that I should have a pap test to check if I have cervical cancer since I have all the risk factors. "You started very young and you're just 22 and you already had 2 partners. I suggest you get the vaccine."
To think that I didn't tell her I started out at 16 and had more than 2 partners. She might have suggested vaginal amputation had I told her that.
So there, she and her assitant had me strip tease err remove my panties, a spatula was inserted in my vagina, followed by a cotton swab. I swear I prayed really hard for it to be over. Masakit siya, yun lang ang masasabi ko.
And the worst is yet to come. I still had to have a transvaginal ultrasound because of my irregular period. So ayun, punta na naman ako sa kabilang building, change into a hospital gown, and again, spread my legs WIDE.
This time, a probe like instrument is inserted. Inisip ko na lang ang dildo ko.
"Iha, wag mong ipitin."
Ay sori, naka automatic on kasi ang muscle control mode ko. Lol. Eto mas masakit, kasi iniikot ikot pa yung probe sa loob. At habang nirarape ako, nagchismisan pa ang mga doktora tungkol sa breakup nila Rachel Ann at Christian at kung bakla daw ba si Jed.
After being harrased twice, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like a rape victim. I wasn't really concerned about my health compared to the way I look. But I guess, it was worth finding out. And I am getting older, I have to be more responsible.
I went back to my OB and she said that everything was good. I have a healthy vagina. Haha! Only, I have polcystic ovary (?) which is why my period is irregular. It may lead to infetility but I know it won't. Not with me, at least.
Dra: Any questions?
Me: Mmm... may marerecommend po ba kayong pills?
Dra: Number one, you just don't take pills. You have to undergo tests. Number two, fertility expert ako...